I've gone through my weekends without getting anything constructive done! Something's bad going on in my life, and it's slowly killing me.

I hate to admit it, but I think I could have very well lost it. The sense of purpose in life is gone- I can't love, I can't be happy, and I don't want to know about tommorrow. Everything is driving me insane!

Somehow, my of late chocolate binges, uncontrolled spending impulses, and lack of concentration aren't there for a reason. I wish I could just vanish into thin air right now!

If you think this post is anything entertaining for a table topic or gossips among friends, please yourself then. What others think of me no longer matters.

For all I know, I'm dying a slow death inside.

"Solitude non e essere soli, e amare gli altri inutilmente" -Mario Stefani

Another one of those pensive nights- I wonder if there is someone out there who could empathise with the solitary walker?

I'm just struggling at work... Finding it hard to focus recently, and needless to say, I haven't been able to get much done. It's taken me a painful one and a half week to get my May's reports out, with loose details to tie in still! The best part is, while that is happening, there are 101 other tasks on the list waiting to be ticked off.

There are just too much things thrown in my court at the moment. I'm practically handling the workload of 3 persons- ranging from Payroll to Human Resource Administration, Accounts Payable to Receivable, and then an on-going project with Risk Management. Oh yeah, not to forget, I have got to fix the leaks in internal control, and keep up with the corporate policies and procedures. No, wait, I've yet to mention the weight of the swanky title of "Assistant Financial Controller" on me. Be very aware of the expectations and responsibilities that come with it!

Imagine being hit by this dreaded sensation of.... WOW-I'M-SO-OVERWHELMED, once the office door swings open in your face every morning! That's how much I loathe work!!

I know I shouldnt be complaining- shouldn't I be thankful that I have at least got a career to stress over?

The early knock-off today should hopefully help me to unwind a bit and catch up on my readings, which in turn helps to relieve part of my pressure!

The semester has just started for my self-paced degree program. To juggle between full-on work, and studies isn't as easy as I have thought. It's only the first week and I feel that I'm pretty behind time with the readings. The slow shipment, which was accordingly due to new semester peak, doesn't help the situation much either, especially with an assignment that is due in 4 weeks time!

It looks like I might have to postpone my Hong Kong/ Japan trip this year if I want to be able to finish 4 units each year! Delayed gratification is the key to reason this out with myself.

And then there's my month-end reports which I'm struggling to finish. Oh dearie, the world is crashing down on me! Ha!

I can't complain much, not if I want a good career for myself. With the proper qualifications and the invaluable experience I'm gaining day by day, I'm pretty sure that I can carve out a good career. It takes endurance and time management to get to my ends. I need the conviction to push on =)

Nonetheless, there are ways to make it up for myself... I'm going to the hair salon tmr to get a new colour and perhaps a new hairdo (im still undecided about getting my long hair snipped off), and not forgetting the facial to soothe my skin-under-stress... and perhaps check out the brown boots that I wanted for winter? =P

I deserve to be pampered!

Off to bed now- have promised myself to wake up at 6am to go through my study notes and get a hang of what's going on at the learning portal.

Feeling somewhat awful tonight...

It is just strange to think that someone actually do (or perhaps, did) still treat me as a friend after all, despite all the mean things I have done. To think that it was humanly possible to overlook my pettiness and the way I look at the world with narrow lenses!

There're indeed certain things in life that are hard to measure and judge. And life has surprised me in an amazing way- by proving to me that such wonderful personality exists!